Comments on: Divorce’s Silver Lining

By: test3

test3 — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 19:32:16 +0000

test3…

[...]Coast Kids | Divorce’s Silver Lining[...]…

By: Johanna Baker-Dowdell

Johanna Baker-Dowdell — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 22:14:36 +0000

Alison I am so glad your read my blog, since your article was one of the reasons I wrote it. I, too, have been amazed by the positive reactions I have received because the topic is such an emotional issue. Many people are just interested in hearing another story which throws some light on their situation.

Lenore modeling healthy relationships is the key to my argument. If children can’t see how two parents can be together in a loving and supportive relationship, then it is better for them to be in a loving environment with parents living separately, rather than one filled with tension.

By: Johanna Baker-Dowdell

Johanna Baker-Dowdell — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:47:44 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story Jo. You are so right when you say it is up to divorced parents to put their children first. When I asked about the benefits, I really meant the opposite of detriment, which I think is often the situation when parents stay together, but don’t want to be together.

By: Lenore Miller

Lenore Miller — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:01:43 +0000

I agree staying together for ‘the sake of the children’ is not a useful strategy. Creating a supportive loving environment for your children and modeling healthy relationships is much more important.
I divorced when my boys were 2 and 5, my youngest is now 18. It was certainly tough to raise children as a sole parent however they grew into amazing young men, who had a relationship with both parents.
Really all parents want their children to be healthy and happy, what better way than to model healthy and happy for them to follow!

By: Alison Sainsbury

Alison Sainsbury — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:45:37 +0000

Thanks Johanna, I was amazed by the positive responses the article got actually. I was expecting a lot more “but divorce is 100% terrible for everybody” but it was pretty balanced. I think it all comes down to whether or not the parents can both behave like adults - and it does need to be both - and allow the children to be the children. It’s hard but it’s absolutely necessary.

By: jo - livingsavvy

jo - livingsavvy — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 23:20:27 +0000

My family did “blended” in the early seventies before it became “a trend”. No books, workshops or advice columns just a mother, father, stepfather and stepmother committed to putting aside their issues to create homes for 5 kids ….it wasn’t perfect, but it was loving and supportive and almost forty years later we can all come together (plus the 11 grandkids) for happy family gatherings. I divorced in my twenties (no children from that relationship) and now have 2 young children with a strong commitment and belief that my children are best benefited from growing in a home together with Mum & Dad who love, respect and value the their relationship. But this isn’t always possible …In discussing divorce and children I wouldn’t evaluate by using the word benefit….very few children benefit from divorce however they do benefit from both parents putting the children’s needs before their own and making the best of a sad, emotionally fraught and complex situation with the wellbeing of their children as the priority.